I thought I would give you a little background on where I’ve come from, who I am and what my visions and intentions are in doing this juice feast.
It has been a long moment’s journey to get to this “here and now” if you know what I mean. As a young child before the third grade I was very healthy, active, creative, inspired, curious and happy. I loved to dance, sing, write rap’s (lol), be active, adventurous and mischievous, I loved to be my different individual, imaginative self. I was proud and glad to be a little out of the ordinary dressing in my own fashion, acting out all my moment to moment drama’s (in fun), just being happy, being me. There was no lack of fun, friends, or love in my experience of life. I also was quite gifted in school and got excellent grades.
Then (without getting into any great detail) I switched schools, moved to a new location and everything changed in one year. I started feeling self conscious, lonely, scared and I did a whole lot of self protection via television and large amounts of food. This cycle continued, my friends became few and the ridicule became great. As I progressed through elementary school I became the one folks made fun of, posted “kick me” stickers on, and laughed at as I walked down the street. My grades dropped immensely. It got so bad that I nearly flunked out of the sixth grade.
These experiences were detrimental to my self esteem at such a young age. So, how did I deal with it??? I ate, and ate, and ate, and day dreamed about who I wanted to be like (no longer in joy with that sparkle of individuality), oh yes I watched a lot of television locked myself in my room and listened to music in what basically became a trash dump that no one was allowed into but me. I didn’t like to shower, brush my hair or really take care of myself in any way. To make a long story a little shorter, by the time I entered the seventh grade I weighed around 250 lbs. and by the time I was in the eighth grade I weighed right between 275 and 280 lbs. with extremely low self esteem.
After a series of tragedies about 7 deaths in 6 months, including witnessing a suicide, I began to question reality. Honestly I thought the world was coming to an end and I really didn’t care what anyone thought because in my mind they were all dead anyhow. I imagined everyone in my life dying – I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to, but I cried for the death of my loved ones who were still living. There was nowhere to turn for comfort or console because I realized the only one I could count on being here as long as I was here, was me.
After years of hating myself, coming to believe I had no rhythm, could not dance (nor would I ever try even in the privacy of my own room), trying to be just like my sister (extremely beautiful, slender, talented, and popular)and failing miserably , I got to a point where none of it mattered. There’s one day I remember so clearly; coming home and turning on the radio (now, I need to let you know that my sister is and always has been hip-hop. Ever since I remember, she was writing rhymes, always listening to beats, and I always felt that that was the music I needed to be listening to, because it was “cool”) well this one day I was sick of trying to fit into someone else’s shoes (perhaps a little of that childhood spark re-emerging) and I finally changed the station. Without worrying what someone else may think or how they may judge me. It didn’t matter, they didn’t matter or better yet their judgments no longer had any affect on me – the only thing I knew I could count on being with me long term was me and a silent spirit that was become louder and more visible everyday. What I found on the radio that day was alternative rock and I liked it, I took all my clothes off and started dancing erratically, and ecstatically. I didn’t care what anyone else would think, it was a revolution time and I was all about the revolution. That was just the beginning of my freedom train.
Next, I decided I want to dance, who cares if I suck, I want to dance. There was a class at LACC that looked very intriguing, it was belly-dancing. A week later I started with my first class wearing men’s pants waistline size 40-44, and a button up plaid shirt. When I saw the teacher demonstrate I knew that was me. As a three year old I would put on my Mother’s record of the Nutcracker Suite, slip into my favorite princess dress, grab a couple of my Mommies scarves and begin to leap through the house swinging the scarves while swaying my hips and body. Next thing you know I was walking everywhere I went, taking 3-5 dance classes a week, I actually started wearing skirts, becoming feminine and looking much like a gypsy (before it was a popular style). I played finger symbols and doumbek everywhere I went, walking for miles and miles all over Los Angeles while shedding pound after pound. In one year I lost 100 lbs. A main component to the method was not a safe one(I discontinued incorporating any fat in my diet whatsoever for an entire year) and has likely caused some joint issues that I am still dealing with 10 years later. None-the less, my life had transformed, I fell in love (at 16 before I had lost all the weight, but the revolution had begun). My gypsy nature was revealed, my style was once again my own and in a state of uniqueness, I found myself surrounded by many interesting and diverse peoples, involved in some out of this world experiences, and truly breaking into the spark of my being and essence (there is so much more to this story but it would have to be a book).
By the time I was 17 I had gone full fledged vegan, and fluctuated in diet some over the course of the next 5 years with an ever increasing interest in health, healing and well being. My weight constantly fluctuated due to the fact that I still dealt with some pretty major eating disorders. My food choices were much better, but quantity…well that’s another story. I fluctuated between 160 and 185 pounds. In the more recent years as I have become much more aware of what it means to be healthy (in body, mind and spirit) I have still fluctuated between 155 and 175. There has yet to be a time as an adult that I have been my optimal weight and even more so my optimal level of health. One thing has become clearer than the brightest day, weight, and health issues (any issue really, life, creation etc.) are truly of spiritual, psychological and emotional origin.
I was a massage therapist for 10 years, a professional belly dancer for 10 years a student of Judaism in Israel for 1.5 years and most recently a student of living foods cheffing for 3 or so years now. I have learned, from many schools of thought as well as from an instinctual knowing, what true health can be, is really all about (our natural order and gift) and continue to learn constantly.
When I first heard about Juice Feasting I thought, “I would love to do that, but I just don’t think it would be possible. Maybe sometime, but the circumstances would have to be perfect.” The circumstances aren’t perfect but then again they are or then again when will they ever be?. They are now because I feel the conviction, the fire, the deep internal knowing that the time is now. It’s so very clear, whatever it takes.
I know and intend a deep transformation through this juice feasting journey. It is time, Since the initial revolution (in my life) it has been 14 years 2 cycles of seven, and in a few weeks I will begin my fifth cycle of seven in this life (my 30th birthday is on March 28th). Very powerful numbers in the mystical system of Judaism representing the emotional attributes of the tree of life which are the building blocks of the spiritual and this physical creation, also in many other cultures I am less knowledgeable in I’m sure. Some of my visions, intentions and goals for this process are:
-Releasing habits that no longer serve my highest good.
-Breaking addictive cycles.
-Clearing out debris and residue from a previous and unhealthful existence.
-Rejuvenating my skin that has been through so much strain over years of stretching and shrinking and on and on.
-Clearing up skin issues that have been pestering me for years.
-Bringing a greater sense of clarity to my mind, my heart and my spirit.
-Creating space to become aligned and in-tuned to all levels of my being and as a universal whole.
-Gaining vibrant energy and a true sense of well being.
-Heightening all of my senses.
-Gaining more knowledge to help guide others on this path of empowered choice and actions leading to our natural radiance.
-Recognize beliefs that are not serving the highest good and replacing them with beliefs that are.
-Oh yes, reaching and maintaining my optimal weight (which isn’t the highest priority on this list as all the other items will provide a vehicle for that to manifest naturally.)
-This and so, so, so much more…
My starting weight is 159 lbs.
Thanks for reading this life summery. I am very excited about this journey for all of us. We will watch each other grow, change and break through some seemingly mighty barriers (tools of profound growth and change). Congratulations on choosing life! Whether you are on the Juice Feast already or are just thinking about it, learning about it, or indulging a loved one by doing some investigation, you have made an empowered step for your well being. Remember, every step that you take is another step for all of humanity and on a greater level for all of creation, in truth.
May we all be blessed with perseverance, deep insight, great laughter, the boldness to be who we truly are, unconditional love, wisdom, wellness and continued guidance from the whisper of creation singing through all of existence. Peace unto you!
“Oh Hashem (Almighty, Life of All), Make me a conscious Instrument of Your Truth, of Your Peace, of Your Wisdom, of Your Radiance of You!”